You've Been Tangoed!

Because I'm being extremely lazy (actually I've been working on Issue 2 of Fish Fingers and Custard and 'entertaining' a lady!) here is something from my very own classic (?) archive. Normal service will resume asap!

It's a joke that I love to slip in as often as I can. But the thing is – it isn’t a joke! Walk around your local town and they are all at, even the lads! Fake tanning – is it really needed?

Women are the biggest offenders, why they feel the need to have an orange face is beyond me. They think they look nice but they look like the ‘Tango Man’ has been on one of his sexually-dubious rampages. Mixed in with a bit of tracksuit and cheap jewellery – it doesn’t look good love!

I can just about understand why women would attempt it, once, but why the lads? Everyone’s talking about ‘metro-sexuality’. What the f**k does that mean? How does looking like a woman make you even more of a man?

It doesn’t just stop at that horrible orange stuff they slap on – sunbeds also do a roaring trade, giving skin cancer to all. I don’t get it, are people that vain enough to make themselves look stupid? It doesn’t look good when the stuff leaves brown marks on your body and those white patches, which you missed, are shining and twinkling at you, like no star ever could.

I don’t think I’m that particular good looking (I prefer ‘dashing’) but what defines ‘good looking’? I’m not sure anymore! Everybody has different tastes. If you want to make yourself orange, look like a clown and commit petty crime - fair enough. And if you want to go out with that – fair enough. Just don’t get in my face, telling me how good it is because I think you look f***ing daft!

I like girls to look nice and to take care of themselves but fake tan doesn’t look good. The clue is in the name – its fake, your fake. Don’t do it girls, go to Benidorm or something, it’ll be cheaper in the long run!